Temporary Child Custody

Where to begin?

Living with both male and female teenagers, I know that both genders are at the mercy of similar hormonal imbalances.  However, these can make them act out in very different ways in response to the events surrounding them.

As a parent coping with teenagers, one of the things you dread hearing is the word ’statistics’. I heard recently that up to 10% of British children aged 5-16 have been diagnosed with mental health problems.  These can be caused by academic demands, peer pressure, bullying, unhappy family life or pushy parents.

In younger children, the symptoms can present as bedwetting/soiling, clingyness and temper tantrums but, as they mature, these can develop into obsessive/compulsive behaviour, eating disorders and aggressiveness.

Once puberty begins, these behaviours begin to conform to gender – boys will deflect any stress outwards in the form of violence and aggression, whilst girls are more self destructive and prone to eating disorders or physical self harm.

Of course, there can be female rebels and male anorexics but, again, there are statistics to show that one in three teenage girls will indulge in self harm. Whether it is mutilation or other violent self-abuse (like throwing themselves against walls or down stairs), anorexia or bullimia, as a parent any of these is a frightening proposition.

Because there are no cures or medications – just a child who is out of control and, in both sexes, sufferers show an increase of drink and drug use, which just exacerbates the feelings of depression and worthlessness.

One of the most disturbing things in trying to deal with teenagers and depression is the role of the family doctor. The law for children under 18 but over 16 allows them certain freedoms from the natural restraints of their parents, especially when it concerns their health.

Just as with contraception and abortion, if that youngster goes to the doctor with the ’symptoms’ of depression and asks for pharmaceutical help without alerting the responsible adults, the doctor is able to invoke doctor/patient privilege and send your child home with a prescription for an anti-depressant without your knowledge.

Adolescents can be extremely compelling when they want to be. They can seem to be totally coherent and aware but their perception of the world around them is entirely skewed and they will utter an outright untruth in answer to significant questions because they believe it to be true. To a doctor working on the basis of ‘informed consent’, this young person can appear very mature but not all the relevant facts will have been at their disposal when they make their decision.

This means that not only is your child self-harming because they are depressed, but you are unaware that they are taking prescription drugs in addition to whatever other substances they use to self-medicate and they have the tacit permission of a trusted authority figure that it is ok to do so.

All you can do in this perilous situation is to remain open to any form of communication whilst continuing to emphasis your unconditional love.