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Skill-building and education will equip you and your mate with the right tools to succeed in your relationship. Following decades of extensive interpersonal behavioral research, licensed professional counselors are extremely knowledgeable regarding what makes people tick, how people respond to crisis and how couples can foster greater communication and satisfaction in their marriages. Before you tie the knot, you may be required to attend or may choose to attend pre marriage counseling or seminars to learn everything you can about the challenges (and rewards!) that lie ahead.

The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.

Generally when you go for pre marriage counseling, you’ll develop a rapport with the family marriage counselor and you’ll be given the Pre Marital Inventory (PMI) test. This quiz will examine areas such as interests and activities, role expectations, personal adjustment, interpersonal communication, religious philosophy, marriage expectations, family issues, finances, children and parenting, and sexuality. The purpose of this test is not to tell you whether to get married or not, but rather to identify strengths and weaknesses, arming you with the tools you’ll need to make it through your marriage successfully.

Often, we come into a new marriage with many false conceptions, which is one of the reasons why pre marriage counseling is so important. One of the most common marriage myths is that love and luck are the keys to a lasting marriage, when in reality commitment and companionship are far more significant. Also, couples feel if they live together and give it a “test drive,” they’ll be more likely to get married, which is false. Having children will not always bring a couple closer together or patch up existing problems, either. In fact, parenthood comes with a whole new set of issues. It is also untrue that married people have less than thrilling sex lives and that married people are guaranteed to be happier than marriages from 20-30 years ago. Balancing expectations is just one area of Christian marriage counseling.

Are you considering marriage counseling services but don’t know where to start? There are many types to choose from but the most sensible place to begin is generally couples marriage therapy, which will cover all the basics but can also refer you to abuse counselors or other counselors if need be. These programs are designed to be short-term and solution-focused towards an end goal. In most cases, just three months of weekly, one-hour sessions will clear up the root cause of your marital dissatisfaction or household tension.

For many middle-aged couples, the arguments revolve around finances, careers and kids. If you or your spouse have debt problems, are big spenders or argue over who wields the power of the purse, then perhaps credit counselors can help eradicate the source of your frustration. Often, when we’re strapped for cash, we begin to act out of character and we may begin to communicate poorly because we’re afraid to face the facts. Prioritizing becomes exceedingly difficult if you are living penny to penny.

Additionally, career counselors can sometimes offer counseling for marriage. There may be arguments over retiring, changing jobs, re-entering the workforce after child rearing or not making a stable income. Lastly, disagreements over child rearing can tear at the very fabric of a marital bond, leaving the children to become the unfortunate casualties of such squabbles. A specialized family marriage counselor can help readjust your attitudes and focus, thus arming you with better parenting skills and unified goals.

For those who were raised with faith, this is a good anchor to return to for marriage counseling services. Maybe you were married in the church and started on the right foot, going to services each Sunday, but as your schedules became busier and busier you lost your way. An old proverb says “A family that prays together, stays together,” which is entirely true. Choosing to be together is more than just a legal contract, it is a spiritual bond and communal journey. Using pastoral counselors to rebuild your spiritual connection can be very comfortable because you’re dealing with someone whom you already know, trust and respect a great deal. Christian marriage counselors can be for couples, groups or individuals. They can be in sessions, seminars or workshops and they’re generally very cost-effective.

Marriage counseling services for gay marriages may also be sought. Not all marriage therapists are trained to deal with the complex set of issues that come along with civil marriages or gay-lesbian-bisexual relationships. Just like any other relationship, gay couples can have a communication breakdown, suffer infidelity, or suffer differing perceptions on sex, co-parenting or friendships. The San Francisco Gay Couples Institute deals with local partners primarily but also offers special “Accelerated Relationship Repair” for those who are flying in for the weekend. For a more discreet approach, Lumient Counseling offers over-the-phone support and advice, as well as online therapy for about $2/minute. O’Mara and Associates, based out of Indiana, offers workshops in almost every state, as well as remote assistance if you’re not willing to fly. Many local communities where gay marriages are held also have pastoral counselors through the churches where civil unions are held.

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Research indicates that family marriage counseling is particularly effective in treating adult Schizophrenia, mood disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, behavioral disorders in children, teenage drug abuse, anorexia, childhood autism, chronic illnesses and marital conflict. Sometimes the root cause or cycle of dysfunction is obvious, but other times it takes a professional to illuminate the intricate dynamics of cause-and-effect, action-and-reaction. Through family and marriage therapy, family members learn how to better understand one another and cope with complex issues to become a stronger, more cohesive unit.

A professional who is licensed in marriage and family counseling is someone who is trained in psychotherapy and family systems, as well as someone who is licensed to diagnose and treat mental disorders. On average, family and marriage therapists will have thirteen years or more of clinical practice in their field and hold a Master’s or Doctoral degree in marriage therapy and family counseling. Since 1970, the number of marriage family counselors has burgeoned from 237 to 23,000, who are licensed in 48 states and are actively treating more than 1.8 million people.

Studies show that clients of family marriage counseling are extremely satisfied with these services, with 98% citing their sessions as either “good” or “excellent” (Doherty & Simmons). They report improvement in work productivity, coworker relationships, family relationships, spousal relationships, as well as improved community social lives. Almost 90% of those receiving treatment reported an improvement in emotional health and two-thirds reported an improvement in their overall physical health. In cases of child deviance, 73.7% of the cases resulted in improvement in parent-child relationships, improved child behavior and improved school performance. In cases of physical or mental illness, substance abuse and disruptive behavior, certified counselors can be a huge asset.

A good way to find a therapist specializing in family marriage counseling is to check the website of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, located at www.aamft.org. Sometimes primary care physicians will be able to offer referrals of certified counselors as well. Divorce, mental illness, physical illness, substance abuse and violence can be extremely difficult for a family to cope with, which is why the assistance of trained professionals can be invaluable.

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